While The World Is On Its Side

India tests nuclear-capable missile The 5000km range Agni-V missile can reach Beijing and much of Europe ARMY STREGIC FORCES (4).jpg

Who can abide the sounds of nothing any longer?

The din of clattering jawbone, the rank scent of small talk, and the dun-hued drone of joyless chatter?

Didn’t you know that the world has tipped?

Haven’t you heard that the braided cord that held it upright finally broke from the weight of empty words?

Don’t fear, we have choices.

NUMBER ONE: Do nothing and live with the new positioning.

NUMBER TWO: Gather the Earth’s population in western Oklahoma and get them to jump in unison when the Governor says: “Now!”

I’ll state the advantages of these first two as I see them.

A.) By leaving things as they are currently, the world will experience a dramatic change. Those of us who were dissatisfied with things as they were, will likely find the effect exhilarating.

B.) By setting the world upright again we will have saved the fish of the ocean from sliding into outer space. And at very least, with all the world’s people gathered together, it will be a chance to re-connect with old friends.

NUMBER THREE (easy steps):

  • Braid new cord and use two Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles to carry one end of cord to the North Pole.
  • Then, using the pre-existing holes, drop cord in hole at the North Pole and rethread cord through center of Earth, making sure to tie off bottom end at South Pole.
  • Finally, take every last Intercontinental Ballistic Missile and use all in tandem to yank North Pole-end of cord upwards. Use extreme caution not to ignite cord as missiles ascend!


  • Stop talking altogether and take on a Fast of Silence, thereby rectifying the sin of our indulgent blather.
  • Bow all heads and beseech God.
  • Ask (in earnest!) that He bestow His beneficence upon us and right the world as a sign of His love for us.


  • Use the Fast of Silence to learn something radically new.

Without words (and by “words” I mean only the foolish ones, the ones that exist to fill silences {and here I must point out that ‘silences’ are the times where we reflect upon the idea that our being sentient, conversant beings on the surface of a perfect blue planet that can —with wise stewardship — provide all its inhabitants with great abundance} can still continue to be said, even during the Fast of Silence) we might find that we learn something radically new, rather than repeating our mistakes, as we’ve done since time immemorial.

Even with the world on its side, if we’ve learned something truly new, such as how to bless one another, rather than curse —we’d likely find that the position of the planet mattered far less than we had previously thought.

To whit…

“Be blessed my friends (and yes, I mean even you my most bitter enemies) and prosper and come to know the miracle of existence, and throw down your weapons and lift your children into your arms, and thank your God for each of the moments you take air into your lungs and exhale it back into an endless sky.”

Other than these ideas, I’d suggest you stock up on Dramamine and wait it out. And please let me know if you can think of something I hadn’t considered.







One thought on “While The World Is On Its Side

  1. Yes, may our vacuous rhetoric be put down like a rabid animal – so that we may speak a thoughtful blessing over everyone one we meet.

    But that’s no to say we should under estimate the synchronized foot stomping acumen of the Okies – that very well may be an untapped resource.

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